My friend Cheeto has inspired me with his comment. We really do need a third realistic choice for President, and Cheeto, I AM THAT CHOICE.
I think it's a little late to get on the official list of candidates, so I am going to need people to write me in. Please write my name in clearly, especially if you live in Florida (we don't need any recount issues, hanging chads, or that sort of thing should this become a close race). I suspect some people will be writing in Joe the Plumber and we don't want any confusion between Ed Plummer and Joe the Plumber. It would be a shame to lose this race over a few over-zealous supporters with poor penmanship.
I should probably list my qualifications, because there will certainly be some questions from the press.
1. I have foreign relations experience: I have a passport. I lived in Germany for a year when I was 4. I have also been to Holland, England, France, Germany, and Italy. I went through Belgium on a train and I had a window seat. Today I had German food for lunch. I have never been to Asia but I have Asian friends. My 14 year old daughter has got a thing for an English kid. I have rode in several New York City cabs. I sent my daughter to French camp. I am half Dutch. My mother is a full fledged immigrant - right off the boat. My father graduated from Harvard in German literature (but he recently failed a German test, so perhaps we should only use this one as a last resort). I know that "Cuidado, Piso Mojado" means "Caution, wet floor" in Spanish. I can count to 10 in Spanish and German. AND I lived in the South.
Clearly foreign relations is strong for me.
2. I have some military experience. I have seen every Band of Brothers episode (some of them twice). I have also watched Saving Private Ryan, Blackhawk Down, U571, Independence Day, and A Few Good Men. I have fired a rifle. I have played paint ball. I had one semester of Air Force ROTC. And I own the book Art of War.
3. I have never been a prisoner of war, but when I was 3 I was locked in a garage for an afternoon. In addition, my older brother used to torture me as a child, but after several meetings without preconditions, the relationship seems to be fine.
4. I think energy policy will be another strength for me. I own two cars and I've pumped my own gas. I have an oil burner. I have a solar powered calculator. I use public transportation (I take a train and a ferry to work). I have also been known to take a multi-vitamin now and again.
There are a few issues that I just will not get involved with. They are just too sticky.
1. Abortion and anything related to abortion.
2. Gay marriage or partner benefits.
If I get questions on these topics I am just going to have to punt. If Congress wants to pass something on either of these issues, fine. I'm not touching the topics - too volatile. I figure between the economy, the war in Iraq, the war on terror, energy issues, and global warming, I will have plenty of issues to focus on.
I know my health will come up especially given that McCain is one of my primary opponents Here is a summary of my health history:
1. One kidney stone
2. A few anal fissures (it's nothing a fiber supplement doesn't fix)
3. Some anxiety
4. A broken jaw
5. Blood in my urine (sounds more serious then it was)
6. Quite a few stitches
7. Sometimes I think I have pancreatic cancer.
8. I had pneumonia as a child
9. And my cholesterol is over 200 (I will talk to the folks at Bethesda about that as soon as I get into office).
I know I should probably get a committee of really smart people together to identify a running mate, but, being the maverick that I am, I am going to choose my running mate right now.
Cheeto - you can be my running mate. You're Mexican, so you've got that diversity thing going for you. You are a legal Mexican right, because if you aren't legal that will throw a pretty big wrench in this whole thing? Oh yea, do you have any neighbors that are terrorists, or have you served on a board of directors with any "known" terrorists? Given your Mexican heritage, we can call you Vice Presidente' if that makes more sense.
Now there's a lot more to say here and I know you probably have lots of questions. I can't say everything that needs to be said in one post.
Oh yea - Obama raised something like $150 million last month, so I could use any spare change you have. I am going to setup a donation system. I really think I have got this thing in the bag, but just in case, any donations will be helpful.
Stay tuned folks. Tee shirts and yard signs to follow.
More to come...
