12 signs I am a germaphobe...

1. If I am in an elevator with a group of people and one of them sneezes or coughs, I will hold my breath until I get to my floor, so I don't breathe in their germs.  If I can't hold my breathe long enough, I very discreetly put my face into the pit of my elbow and use my shirt as an air filter.  
2. I don't eat or drink anything that has passed its expiration date.  Dede continues to insist that the date is a "sell by" date.  Yeah right!  Milk must also pass the smell test regardless of the date. 
3. I will not eat or drink anything that has been left in the refrigerator without a cover - even if it's Kool Aid in a pitcher.  All refrigerated items must be covered or sealed.
4. If I am walking behind someone and I can see their breathe because it is cold, I will move out of the path of the breath trail so as not to breathe in their breath.  This often requires that I estimate the path of the breath trail, because it is only briefly visible.   
5. I don't eat food at pot luck events (church, work, etc.) unless I know who made it and I can verify that they don't have cats, that they don't smoke, that they aren't sick, and that they are generally clean.
6. If I am walking with an empty cup or glass that I am going to drink out of in the future I will hold the cup with the bottom of the cup facing forward so as to not catch stray germs in the cup while I am walking.  I figure if I hold the bottom of the cup facing forward, the germs will bounce off the bottom of the cup.  I do my best to forget that the arm also swings backward while walking therefore exposing the inside of the cup to germs during the backswing of the arm.
7. I don't share food or drinks with anyone except Dede and sometimes my youngest child Hank.  As soon as he gets old enough to have bad breathe, I will stop sharing with him as well.
8. No double dipping - period.  If I see double dipping I will abandon the violated dip and stare disgustedly at the culprit.  If my children double dip I will vocally express my disgust.
9. If someone at work is sick and they want to talk to me, they are not allowed in my office.  They must talk to me from outside the door.  If someone is recovering from a stomach bug and they have puked in the last 24 hours, I will put my face into the pit of my elbow and use my shirt as an air filter.  I will leave my face there the entire time I am speaking with the individual.  I am not discreet.  I want them to know that I disapprove of them bringing disease into the workplace.  If a sick person hands me a piece of paper I am sure to grab the paper in a place the sick person has not touched.
10. In an airplane I shut off the air vent above my head so that it doesn't blow the germ filled recirculated air at me.  Similarly, if I am in a car that has it's ventilation system set to recirculation, I start to breathe irregularly in an attempt to not take in as much oxygen.
11. There is no such thing as using too much toilet paper.
12. After touching a pole in the subway, I will not let me hands anywhere near my face until I have given them a proper washing.